Hitting Rock Bottom Chapter

Like all junkies–and yes,I am a food junkie, I hit rock bottom when my bottom was too heavy to get up that hill. So, I had to find my own rehab–I couldn’t do this on my own.

My doctor had been screaming in my ear for months about my health, about diabetes, about not living to see my grandkids–well that got me scared–, but that day I finally reached a point when I had to do something about my weight and I had to do it now! I actually did listen to my doctor and tried her suggestion.

REHAB

Rehab opened at 8 a.m. on Sunday morning. After breakfast–my last meal–I told Number One that I had to run an errand. He looked at me funny because I am not a morning person, particularly on a Sunday. I had done my research the night before and by 8:15 I was walking into a Jenny Craig–my rehab center. I knew I was meant to be there because when I walked in, I found a lovely young woman waiting to talk to me. We went straight back to her office. We talked. I joked. Joking is my coping mechanism, particularly in nervous or difficult situations when I cannot eat. Unfortunately, I could not eat in front of the weight loss consultant.

ASSURANCE

Lovely Rachel assured me that I would lose weight. I was hoping for a guarantee or at least a 5 month warranty, but it didn’t happen. I had to settle for assurances. For reasons, I will explain later, I was going to have two consultants and I would be successful. Success is such a lovely word, when you are rolling and plodding on the bottom.

DREADED WEIGH IN

The weigh in is always the scariest and most devastating to your ego. SHAZZBOT!!! (Thanks Robin Williams) I was 12 pounds more than I expected, 22 pounds more than I hoped and 70 pounds overweight according to the official standard of height and weight for women. I never remembered being this heavy.

I’m older than I behave and heavier than I feel. It is ok to act a little younger, but I was deluding myself into thinking my weight wasn’t really as bad as I thought

WHAT DO I EAT?

Ok, now I had to see what I was going to eat. I hate diet foods. I was miserable even before I tasted the food. I am not a picky eater–obviously, based on my size, but I wanted a substantial breakfast because my days are crazy and it is difficult to determine when and if I will have lunch. Yes! She found it for me. Ok, the part of the diet that is the most important to REAL dieters is the desserts. Diet desserts are still desserts and you cannot live without them. When I looked at the desserts and snacks there were so many salty things that I could feel a tear coming down my cheek. I am not into salt, I am into chocolate. There were several sweets, but I don’t want sweets, I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!!

Yes, I do have a guardian angel looking over me. I could switch between chocolate cake and brownies EVERY DAY! I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Chocolate every day and I am on a diet.

Does anyone else see any pitfalls here?

Posted in Losing It.

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