The Journey Begins Chapter

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This is a journey. This is a journey. I have to keep telling myself that because the day you start your die-it, you feel you are going to die of deprivation and at the same time you hope for a miracle that at least 40 pounds are going to disappear in the first 5 days of your diet.

My journey started January 5, 2015. First, there are no miracles in weight loss. My guardian angel has provided some spectacular miracles, but this problem is way out of my angel’s league. Secondly, I did not die of deprivation. You could even say, I didn’t feel deprived at all. Maybe that was the miracle that my angel gave me. She gave me chocolate.

The first thing I learned was that my idea of reasonable portion size was about 15 times off the mark. I was eating healthy food. I ate quinoa, grilled meats and lots of vegetables. But my portion sizes were gargantuan compared to Jenny’s portion size. The scary part was that I really didn’t think I was deluding myself. I truly thought I was eating a reasonable amount of food. This was a real wake up call to me. When experts tell us to eat a portion of meat that is the size of a playing card, I guess I was thinking my playing cards were the size of kids huge flash cards.

Luckily, I was still on vacation during my first week of the plan. So, I didn’t have to deal with workplace donuts and goodies that are always in the office the first day of my diet. Also it was a stay-cation so I wouldn’t be embarrassed when everyone was eating out and I was eating microwave food.

I also knew I had to have the support of a few people to make this happen. Number One was so curious about where I went that Sunday morning. I usually am very effusive about where I go and what I’ve done during the day. He usually half listens, but he was worried that I didn’t have anything to tell him. I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid he would think this would be another failed attempt and not really support me.

We went out with friends that day and walked the gorgeous, scenic bluffs and trails of Torrey Pines State Park. I wanted to talk about my new decision with my dearest friend, but yet I didn’t want to. My pain and humiliation from my bike ride was way too raw to bring up in a fast, casual conversation. Oh, I’m on a diet again. No. That wasn’t right. Would she also think–well, here we go again. Would my friend think that I have done this before and failed, so why bother?

How do I tell the most important people around me that I need their support? How do I convince them that I am really serious and I have to do this?

Posted in Losing It.

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