I am not handy.
But Number One believes he can fix anything.
I can read directions.
However, Number One doesn’t think it is necessary.
So, with these great skills and talents, we decided to don our construction helmets and belts and build a building.
Ok, I will admit that the word building may give a false impression, but we did put together a micro-house, or in layman’s terms, a shed.
Surprisingly, you need strong muscles to put together a micro-house. You also need the ability to see things from different angles and slants and you need to swivel, contort and twist yourself and the pieces to see how they fit. This is similar to putting together a giant puzzle. Did I mention puzzles are not my thing?
Oh, and one more thing, you need the ability to bounce when you fall.
After snapping these three together Number One thought we were almost done.
The location of a mini-house needs to be on flat, solid ground. Therefore, the narrow space between the property line and the house was the logical place for it. The key word is narrow.
To put the sides up, you need to jam them down so they will click into place. So, while Number One is inside, I am climbing the wall–really climbing a wall– to get a better angle.
I remember the good old days when I could put my foot on a 3 foot wall and just jump up on it.
These are not the good old days. I got my foot on the wall, but my body didn’t nimbly jump up. Number One tried to hold my arm to help, but somehow my arm flexed and flopped at a grotesque angle. I want to say that he caught me in his loving arms and saved me. I only bounced once before he caught me.
Captain Step-stool to the rescue! (All rescuers need a name.)
Once on top of the wall, I had to battle the Cyprus tree.
It won.
The tree and I did a dance of King of the Hill. Cypress trees have lots of arms and they push in all directions. I grabbed for the branches, then I lunged for the sides of the shed, but the only thing I made contact with was the sidewalk below.
The next hurdle was the vaulted roof. Even the instructions, which, of course, I read, said you need a second person to push or pull down on the roof so it could be attached to the walls.
There was room in some places for me to hang onto the edge of the roof–can you picture me dangling from a roof?
Other places were so squished that I had to climb up that damnable wall, fight King Cypress, and bear down with all my might. That fall was a little more controlled. When you fall so many times, eventually you learn to fall without too much pain. How do I explain to my chiropractor that my back is contorted because of King Cypress?
We finished our project in one day and under budget.
Why under budget you ask, because my pay was lunch at El Pollo Loco!
Yippee!
I will never do that again!